


Family Reunion

by Zoya113



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: F/F, F/M, Family Trees, One big excuse to call Sherman the family disappointment, Sam still gets no rights, non binary Ethan green
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23374747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: Snippets based off the headcanon that all characters played by the same actors are somehow related, which has fun implications for small casts set in the same town
Relationships: Alice & Bill, Alice/ Deb, Charlotte/ Sam, Emma Perkins/ Paul Matthews, Gary Goldstein/ Linda, Linda/ Gerald, Mr Davidson/ Carol
Comments: 20
Kudos: 172





	Family Reunion

“Oh- Jesus, hello,” Emma dropped the cookie she was eating onto her plate as her aunt strode in through the door, one hand still attached to her phone. 

“Yes Gerald, why I’m with her right now, do you want to say hello to her? No, you can’t. She’s a busy woman, Gerald and no one-“ she put the phone down to her shoulder for a second to flash Emma a smile. “No one wants to talk to you. Yes, I’ll be out in a minute just wait in the car. No, Gerald. I want those seat heaters on!” 

“Hi, aunt Linda,” Emma wished she was more dressed up. She was wearing an outfit deemed only for all nighter study sessions of for coming home from 8 hour shifts that were all rush hours and she was on her period. AKA, this was not an outfit for wearing when her aunt Linda comes in through the door in her million dollar heels. “What’s-what’s up?” 

“Gerald is driving me out to see my lawyer this evening so I need you to do something for me.” 

She nodded. That was one hell of a fancy look for seeing a lawyer. There was definitely something more going on there. “Yeah?”

“Look after your niece for me will you? I was supposed to but I’m just so busy!” She drew out the word almost like a song. Behind the golden cape she was wearing she revealed a young girl, hands cuddled up over her stomach anxiously. 

“My huh?” She had a niece too? She had never seen this girl before. She was young, maybe 18, dressed in a cute yellow cardigan and a black skirt. She was quiet, never having seen Emma before either. 

“Well, she’s the great niece, third removed on your mother’s side. What does that make her to you? Who was time to do all that thinking, Emma darling, just keep an eye on her for me will you?” And with that she glides right back out on the door on her way to her legal- totally not a date- session.

“Hey,” Emma blinked as the house fell into silence. “Cookie?” She offered. “Uh. I’m Emma,” she quickly corrected herself. “It’s nice to meet you. I like your shirt!” She started, hoping to coax the child out of her quiet nerves. “The bee embroidery is really cute.”

The girl gave a mute wave before scurrying over to take Emma up on her offer of the cookie. 

“So, you like Aunt Linda?” She asked, fishing for conversation. 

“Nope,” she answered, shaking her head side to side. “I wanted to stay with my cousin Sof, but my mom said that her mom is into bad things.”

“Drugs? You can say drugs. I met Sof and her mum at a family thing once? Fingers crossed for the kid. Do you even know her full name?” 

The girl nodded, pursing her lips shut. 

“Sofa,” Emma answered anyways. “Sofa, not Sofia. The mother is a crackhead, kid.”

She wrung her hands. “Better than being with Auntie Linda,” she paused and Emma thought she had just stopped talking again. “Aunt Linda is fucking nuts.”

Emma snorted so hard she had to turn her head away to wipe her nose. “Well hey, better than being with me?” She teased. “I don’t know the family links here but let me tell you, I am a pretty cool kid. I think we’ll get along great.” 

——————————————————— 

GPG: hey!! Have you all heard about the new lgbt club opening up at the rec centre? 

Alice: ain’t that just called our family reunion 

Melissa: ayyo

Doug: nice one 

Alice: thank u ily <3 

Zoey: oh man ur kidding bc our rehearsal period got moved to Mondays for that club so I had to change my whole ass schedule but at least it was smn cool 

Zoey: and not like, a model train collectors club 

Doug: yikes 

GPG: I’m gonna go so u guys aren’t allowed to show up ok it’s my turn looking for a girlfriend 

Doug: Ah yes the elusive one other Hatchetfield wlw we aren’t related to.

Melissa: anyone actually got a gf yet?? Asking for a friend djsmnf

Alice is typing....

Melissa: Alice don’t even think about it 

Doug: yes we know Alice

GPG: thanks hun stop it now 

Zoey: literally we get it u have a gf she fucking graffitied the Beanies back alley last night btw omg tlrkmgmf

Alice: she’s the love of my life ngl sjnfsnnd

Alice: do u wanna see a photo of her wearing my sweater bdndndn

Melissa: can I b the flower girl at the wedding please dnsnfj??? Icons and legends only in this chat 

Doug: don’t encourage her

———————————————————

“It’s really nice to see you again, Gary,” Paul took off his jacket as he entered the coffee shop, shaking off the rain from outside. 

“Paul! You made it!” He made a cheers notion with his coffee. “Isn’t this a nice little place?” 

“Yeah! This is where my girlfriend works,” he smiled, glancing over at the counter to give her a wave which Emma returned with a smile. 

“Oh!” Gary pursed his lips shut with surprise, setting his coffee cup down. “That’s your girlfriend?” 

“Yeah! Emma, Emma Perkins,” he smiled at the sound of her name in his mouth. “Why?”

“Uh,” Gary licked his lips, biting down on his tongue. “Well. This is awkward,” he brushed a hand over his forehead. 

“You ever heard of Linda Monroe?” 

“How could I not? She’s so loud,” Paul frowned. Just another one of Emma’s asshole family members. 

“She’s a client of mine.”

“Gary, no,” Paul put a hand over the knot in his tie. “You don’t mean client, client do you?” Wow. He knew what his cousin was like. “Like you’re...?” 

“Well-“

“Isn’t she married?” 

“I promise, we are working on those divorce papers. It’s all coming along, Paul.”

“You can’t marry her. Because I’m going to marry Emma. We can’t both marry into the same family, that’s weird!” He kept his voice in a hushed hiss. 

“Hey, why do I have to break up with her?” Gary’s jaw dropped. “Why can’t you break up with her?” He jerked his thumb back over his shoulder. 

“Uh, she’s the love of my life?” Not even a question. That wasn’t on the table. “You break up with Linda! You’re having an affair!” 

“I am not!” Gary defended himself. 

“Well you’re gonna have to! Because I’ll marry Emma and that’ll make Linda my- my... aunt in law? And my cousin can’t marry my aunt in law. That’s weird! And gross!” 

“Well you might just have to deal with it then, because Linda and I? We’re a thing, Paul.”

“No, stop! Stop saying that! It’s not happening!”

“Hey guys,” Emma’s hand slipped around   
Paul’s shoulder as she set his regular drink down on the table for him. “You’re Gary, right? I’ve heard about you!” 

He shook her hand. “That’s me! Gary Goldstein, attorney at law.”

“Oh my god, that Goldstein?” Emma glanced at Paul. “Babe. You never told me this was Goldstein. You’re my aunts attorney, aren’t you? She talks about you all the time! You must be great.”

Gary yanked at his tie. “Oh yeah. She’s my client.” 

“Yeah, his client,” Paul batted at his cousin’s shoulder.

“Is everything okay over here, babe?” Emma asked, brows knitting once she observed the fight.

“Yeah Emma,” Paul gulped. This conversation could wait. “Everything’s fine.” 

———————————————————

Ted wasn’t a big family man. Not really. His parents never had the time for him and he never got along with his siblings. He had memories of growing up alongside cousins but he hadn’t seen either of them recently. Actually, not for quite a few years. He had vague memories of one of them, Wilbur, maybe? Shipping off. But it was like he just vanished off the planet. No one spoke about him, he couldn’t have really shipped off could he? Maybe he just went overseas. Mysterious man, always a couple years older than Ted too so he never knew him well, only knew him well enough to notice he was missing. He had another cousin too. The family didn’t like to talk about him so he barely knew his name. Gave everything away to drugs if his second-hand story telling snooping sessions were to be trusted. Probably homeless now, maybe dead too.   
“Huh.” Ted was feeling awfully lucky with his boring office job now.   
———————————————————

“I’m sorry Frank. She’s seventeen now. I don’t think she plays with slime anymore,” Bill looked at the gift his brother had bought for his daughter, placing it down on the table with a frown.

“No, I’m telling you. All the kids are buying it these days. Flying off the shelves. She’ll love it!” Frank promised. “Young girls do.”

“How young?” He had to ask. Bill knew he wasn’t very in touch, he really tried his best, but he just had a gut feeling slime wasn’t where it was at. 

“Well, young,” Frank shrugged as if he knew. It was really all about the money for him. “She’ll like it. I guarantee!” He swore. 

“Uh, I just don’t know, Frank. I’m sorry. It’s very nice of you to bring her something but her birthday was two months ago. She won’t mind by now if you didn’t get her anything.” 

“Bill. Look. Who’s more likely to know about what the kids are into these days? Me, the boss of toy zone, a palace for kids, or you, Bill? You only see her one week a month.”

Bill bit down on his tongue. “Yeah Bill. Maybe you’re right. Thanks for this, I really appreciate it. I’m sure she’ll love it.” 

“Of course she will! It’s pink. What do girls love more than pink? Besides a handsome boy. You should see, one of my stock girls, always with her boyfriend, never getting her work done.”

Wow. He really didn’t know Alice. “Yeah. I know, Frank. Alice is always out with her partner too.”

He made the executive decision not to give the gift to Alice. She had dealt with enough shattered families. No need for her to find out her uncle knew nothing about her. 

When Alice came for her weekly visit at the end of the fortnight, Bill gave her a skirt she had been eyeing up in the shops last week instead. 

“Oh wow! Uncle Frank got me this? He’s the coolest!” She exclaimed.

“Yeah, sweetheart. Sure he is.” Her smile was worth it enough.   
—————————————————————————

Ethan liked his great-uncle Hidgens. He was the cool family member. Way more accepting of them than their mother, too. 

They liked it when Hidgens made an effort to visit his grand-nephews, but their cousin was sort of... how do you put it nicely, a total nerd? 

“Henry, Ethan keeps glaring at me,” Oliver complained. 

“Snitch,” Ethan mumbled. “I wasn’t glaring, Henry. I was just thinking about shit.” 

“You aren’t supposed to swear at the dinner table! My mom says that’s not right,” Oliver crossed his arms, putting his fork down.

“You two,” Hidgens chided. “There’s no need to argue! You know the both of you are welcome to do anything you like in this home,” Henry continued to sip at his soup. “Ethan, how about we watch our language? Just for now, boy.” 

“Yes, Henry,” Ethan sighed, running their fingers through a curl of their hair. They didn’t have an appetite anymore. They couldn’t believe they could be related to a loser like Oliver. 

“Henry, Ethan is still doing it!” Oliver huffed. “I was just trying to tell you about my history assignment, it was the western expansion, were you even listening to me Ethan?” 

“It’s boring, Oliver,” they snapped back. 

“You’re just saying that because you dropped out of high school!”

“You’re both very talented in your own ways, boys,” Hidgens pushed his bowl back. “Oliver, you’re great in class but did you know Ethan repaired their own car? They’re their own mechanic!” He gave a small round of applause.

Oliver sniffed, finished with his soup now too. “I know. They won’t shut up about that story!”

“It was cooler than your western expansion or whatever,” Ethan put a fist down on the table.

“Well. I have an idea!” Hidgens perked up, his shoulders raising and his smile widening. Oh no. “Let’s hear a new story, you know, back when I was your age I was was just entering my first theatre troupe, and let me tell you.”

Ethan tuned out that ramble. New story their ass. They had heard it a dozen times, almost as many times as they had heard about his college glory days. They didn’t want to hear this story all over again. It had to stop. Oliver though, looked just as bothered. Maybe that was one thing they could finally both agree on. 

———————————————————

“Oh look, a little family reunion,” Nora gave a slight smirk as Charlotte walked through the door to Beanies. Deb had already passed by for the free coffee Nora would give her so they were all here now. 

“Hello Nora, have you been well?” Charlotte gave a tired smile.

Deb looked up from her seat at the counter to her aunts. “Yay, the whole gang’s here.” 

“We should have a proper family reunion one day,” Charlotte joked. 

“No,” Deb and Nora declared. 

“Not after what happened last time,” Nora shook her head. 

“Oh my god. As it I’d voluntarily go through that again.” 

“Oh,” Charlotte frowned. “I thought liked your aunt and uncle, Deb.” 

Deb shook her head. “You’re using those terms way too loosely. Uncle Sherman is like-“ she paused and put down her cup. “Didn’t we disown him after the last family reunion?” 

“Oh we never-“ 

“Uh,” Nora racked through her head for the family relation. Sherman was a decade or two older than her. She didn’t know what section of the family he came from but he had always been there since Nora was little. “Well. It’s not like your aunt was entirely blameless for that fight.” 

“I think Schaeffer started it,” Charlotte tapped a finger to her mouth like she was speaking a secret. 

“She did. That’s exactly right,” Nora agreed. 

“Well Sherman was being a creep!” Deb began.  
“I don’t remember what he said, but good for her. I just don’t think she had to overreact n’ like, turn the table. Totally ruined the dinner.” Deb slumped into the table. “I really liked your cooking, Charlotte.” 

“Aw, thank you Deb, that’s very sweet,” she cooed. “But yes. Maybe you’re both right. We shouldn’t have another family reunion.” 

———————————————————

“Let me guess.” Mr Davidson opened up his office door to stop Sam at reception. “Looking for the wife?” 

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Is Char here or not, Ken?” 

“You know you never come to visit me,” he pretended to pout. “Carol and I invited the both of you to dinner the other night but we never heard back!”

Sam cleared his throat. “Yeah uh. Charlotte thought it would be weird to have dinner with her boss.” He was beginning to play with the zip on his leather jacket, so Mr Davidson knew he was lying. “Maybe another time, bro.”

“Well it’s your loss. Carol has the most wonderful cooking. Really, I’ve never had better.” 

This was the primary reason Sam never liked going to his brother’s dinners. He never, ever shut up about Carol. Sure, love of his life, but could be put the breaks on for a second? He’d pull him aside for a whole lecture about how to treat a woman right as if Sam needed the help. Jeez. “You talk about her a lot.”

“Well I love Carol, Sam,” he better watch his tongue. 

“Yeah but it’s like the bechdel test with you sometimes. But the opposite, and specifically Carol. Can’t we ever talk about normal stuff?” 

“All you do is complain about Charlotte,” he leant against his office door. “She’s my employee, and that’s just now how you treat women.” 

“Growing up, I always expected you to be the gay one, Ken. Didn’t expect it to be John.” 

Melissa gave a shifty look from her desk that Sam was still leaning on. 

“And what would be the problem with that? If I dated a man, Sam?” Mr Davidson crossed his arms. “There wouldn’t be.” 

“Yeah!” Melissa piped up. 

“I wasn’t saying that. I just meant-“ 

“Charlotte is in her office, Sam. You should come to dinner next time, okay? We need to have a chat.” 

“Yeah, Yeah. Whatever, man,” Sam huffed as he hurried off. 

“Why do you keep letting that man in, Mr Davidson?” Melissa asked. “No one here likes him. He’s even on thin ice with his wife! You two are polar opposites!”

“He’s my brother, Melissa.”

“So?” 

“You have to get along with your family. That’s just how it works.”

“No, you don’t, sir. Family is just a concept. Make your own family, or something like that,” she sounded like she was just repeating something someone had told her.

Mr Davidson blinked. Huh. Maybe he didn’t have to invite Sam to family dinners anymore.


End file.
